So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
4 words: hood of his car
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
