Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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