Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
