hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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