haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my shit smells like andre
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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