I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
