I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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