my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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