I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
