The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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