no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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