Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
