I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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