Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
