I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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