im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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I got inside last night via doggy door
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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