today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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