East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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