Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
