Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
