I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
