Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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