Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
