Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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