Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
