I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
