everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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