There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
