Kiss
Puke
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
