I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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