yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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