I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
