I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
