My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
