i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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