Your dad touched me again.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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