I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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