He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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