Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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