i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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