I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
