is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
