So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
