Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
