We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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