thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
