Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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