I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
