The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
