We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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