his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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