Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
