I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
