mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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