So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
