do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
