I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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