I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
