so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize