That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
