i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
