Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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