Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
BRING THE BAGELS
this is an emotional support booty call
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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