Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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