Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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