I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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